Coaching is a development process tailored to the individual’s needs, nevertheless, it has a generally accepted scheme which sets a framework for the conversations and sessions.

1.)
The first step of the coaching process is a preliminary session, the objective of which is twofold: Firstly, to agree on the practical issues (venue, online platform, timing and duration) and secondly, to establish a supporting environment required to make you feel entirely secure throughout the entire process. In this phase:

• you become familiar with and understand the steps the coaching process
• you can tell me about your aims, doubts and concerns about the process, and we clarify the expectations
• together we can decide whether we are a good match to work together well. Yes, at this point the coach also has a decision point, as the coach may feel that a specific problem is beyond her / his competence, and the coachee would rather need therapy. The coach may also consider that a certain topic affects her / him too deeply, and therefore, could not participate in the process in a supportive, non-judgemental way
• aIf we agree to start the series of coaching conversations, together we lay down the framework of our future cooperation: starting point, topic, timeframe, venue, payment and cancellation terms etc.

By the end of our preliminary meeting we will have reached an agreement on the framework of the coaching process.

2.)

The coaching sessions form the foundation and provide the content of the process. During the course of these coaching conversations conducted as equal partners, your goals become clearer (or may even get transformed) and you will increase your ability to take a conscious and thorough look at your current situation and circumstances, and explore your opportunities. Once you have done so, you can make the decision and set out the next steps.

There are no strict rules concerning the number, frequency and length of sessions required to achieve the desired objective. The sessions generally last for 60-90 minutes, and the whole process is made up of 8-10 sessions. There are clients who feel they need coaching support on a weekly basis while others prefer to have sessions every two weeks and rather wish to practice and apply the skills and abilities discovered during our conversations in the meantime. In that respect coaching is a personalised development process.

Most of the coaching methodologies suggest that the goal of each specific 60–90 minute coversation shall be defined at the beginning of the session, also looking at the way the given session may support the client in achieving the desired overall objective. This helps to constantly keep the focus on the development of the client and the desired goal.

The process is about you. It is about your goals and your development. Your task is to actively participate in it, keep to the agreed framework, be open, contribute and be committed to achieve your goal.

As a coach I show an emphatic, non-judgemental approach – I listen to you, and reflect back what I see and hear, I summarise, reframe and ask questions, but I will never tell you what the right solution would be, I will not give advice, nor will I offer an opinion. My aim is to help you get familiar with and become aware of your feelings, thoughts and actions, so that you can discover your hidden resources and identify your motivations.

3.)

The closing session of the coaching process is equally important for both the coach and the coachee. We review your journey from the beginning till the end, and summarise the lessons learnt. Achieving your goals will strengthen your motivation and commitment, and may encourage you to develop further. And your feedback will assist me in expanding my own toolbox of professional experience.

 

The two major coaching organisations (European Mentoring and Coaching Council – EMCC, International Coach Federation – ICF) have developed their own codes of ethics. To learn more about these, click on the links below:

• The EMCC Global Code of Ethics
• The ICF Code of Ethics

 

At one of my previous workplaces a series of company reorganisations took place, also affecting my area of work. It is not a unique phenomenon that the way a company is managed and structured is all set out from above, by the “the region”, from “outside”. Often these reorganisations fail to take into account the local priorities, the strengths and the nature of the team’s dynamics. That’s a typical characteristic of life at a multinational company – at least, that’s what I say now. However, at the time it made me anxious, I tried to withstand it, I complained and protested. I tried everything (did I?) to prevent it.

I was still having sessions with my coach, Gabi at the time, who – after she had heard me say “yes but” a thousand times – drew a circle on a sheet of paper. That was my first encounter with the Circle of Influence. The model is very simple: inside the circle I have everything that I may influence, that I can have an impact on in the given situation. Outside of it there are the things I cannot influence – those that may make me angry, against which I may protest, about which I may complain, but still, cannot influence. As I call it, this is the “get used to it or get away” area.

What did this model give me? First of all, with the help of it I managed to look at the thing I had fought against from several perspectives. I looked at the situation I was in, the things I could do, the things the change might bring about, the things I was worried about and the way I wanted to shape my future. By placing these ideas in the model I realised that there were so many things I could do to make my future as good as it can possibly be for me. I said goodbye to powerlessness. At the same time, the model also showed me why I felt that I had no say in the matters. That was because I was only paying attention to the issues and circumstances that were outside of my circle. So I let my energy and attention be taken away by those things that I could not influence at the time, instead of focusing on the things which I could have done for myself. This model completely changed my attitude, and if I feel that I am just running in circles but get nowhere, I always remind myself of the Circle of Influence.

Moreover, the last couple of years have made me recognise another principle in connection with the Circle: If I have done everything I can control inside my Circle of Influence, the Circle gets bigger, and new opportunities and tools will get inside. They surely do, because I transform my situation and environment step by step, and each new situation brings about new opportunities.

The phase when we identify the aim of the coaching process and the client tells about the issues that concern her / him is a very important step in the course of the sessions. It is about understanding the aim the client would like to achieve, the issue that needs to be resolved and the situation they wish to understand better and handle in a more conscious way. However, it is not always possible to articulate these things immediately and precisely. Sometimes one just gets the feeling that ”something is not right”, ”I cannot find my place” or ”everything falls apart around me”.

It is a feeling I am familiar with, I have been there myself. At that time it felt hard and scary, I just couldn’t get a grip on my life. So I was in a state like that when I met Gabi, my coach. At our first session she told me to take a seat, gave me a pack of sticky notes, a pen and asked a question: What’s alive in you? I didn’t get it. What does this question mean? Alive in me? When? Where? At my workplace? In my life? But I didn’t get any further instructions. Only the question “What’s alive in you?” was posed, and that was it. 1 sticky note – 1 word or thought. I became very annoyed. However, as I have always felt a compulsion to conform, I started to write: 2.00 p.m. Monday afternoon, September…

And then I was left there with that question for 40 minutes. Once I had run out of all the shallow phrases and empty words, and had noted down a complete list of all the pieces of furniture in the room, I had only myself to look at. And suddenly, all my feelings, all the bitterness, pain and anger I had inside just burst out. After I had managed to let out all these negative feelings, the nice experiences also emerged. Finally, I had about 50–60 Post-its in front of me, all covered with handwritten notes.

My next task was to sort the notes according to a system of my choice. Afterwards, we took a look at the proportion of positive and negative thoughts. There was a lot of laughing and crying, and finally I felt that I am not drifting anymore, there was no falling, I managed to hold my world together which had been falling apart before. I had a well-rounded view of my world, I could reorganise or transform it.

Yes, sometimes we feel that nothing is working. But the important thing is that we do not get stuck in this feeling. Just remember: energy flows where attention goes. Channel your energy into finding the way out. Focus and connect to yourself!

Last time I shared my thoughts about the extension of the span of your focus. Another equally exciting topic is the change of focus, that is, looking at a certain situation from several various perspectives.

A couple of years ago I took a photography course (it is an amazing training course), where one of the tasks during our Composition Skills class gave me much more than a simple photographic experience. The task was to take a dozen pictures of an old, decaying double gate in Szentendre, without having any images composed the same way. At first, we were just standing there, taking some “evident” shots, but afterwards we didn’t really know what to do. So we started to examine the gate closely, looking at it almost inch by inch to find a theme. We took amazing photos. What has changed? All that happened was that the gate displayed a different appearance from each angle, in various light conditions and with various camera settings. And this is something similar coaching invites you to do –to keep changing your focus, to look at your situation in the morning, in the evening, after lunch or during hiking and see what it tells you.

Let’s play! Next time you go out in the nature, just find a bench, a road sign, a tree, a flowery meadow or anything else that grabs your attention. Get a closer look and then observe it from a distance, from above, from the bottom looking upwards, from the right and from the left. Then close one of your eyes. Then the other one. Do you have sunglasses on? Then take it off. How does it look now? If possible, walk around it. Find a tiny detail-on its surface, something about the size of your fingernail. What is it? What does it resemble? Are there more of them? Now move away from it a little bit. In what sense does your impression of the object differ from the one you had at the start of the game?

I used to come across this expression quite a lot, but to be honest, this idea and I – we just “passed by each other” for a long time. It was about one and a half years ago when I truly received its message and could experience its power. Energy flows where attention goes. Do I really focus on the things that matter, the ones which I would like to devote energy to? Do I really focus on anything at all, or is my mind already wondering about the next things all the time?

Attention and focus are two very important tools, two very important energies in the course of the coaching process. Sometimes the clients who come to me already have in mind a specific aim, situation or a dilemma to be addressed. They are concerned about the issue and have been brooding about it for a long time, but feel stuck. There may be several reasons for this, but if we stick to our present topic – which is attention – changing or expanding the focus may be useful in such cases. That means looking at the issue from another angle, focusing on other aspects, taking a more distant perspective.

Just think about it. It is like having a torch that you have been using for a long time but only to illuminate a certain point. Then you realise that it is possible to expand the beam width so that you can illuminate a bigger area. And using it this way you see that there is a gate through the fence a little bit further away and a bridge over the ravine about a mile away. So how big is the area your torch is capable of illuminating? What opportunities or tools do you have at your disposal that you have not noticed yet?